Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Good morning.

This is what I look like right this very second.

Those Instagram filters are like insta-glow for your skin. I look fabulous when viewed on a small phone screen.

I feel this neeeeed to update right now, but I don't have anything to say. How about a list of things I hate? I'm really good at talking about stuff I don't like.

1. Seinfeld. NOT FUNNY. NEVER FUNNY. If we had television and you turned it on, I would kick you out of my house. The same could be said for The Nanny, but I don't think anyone in the entire world who is in their right mind actually likes that show, at least the people I know, so you would never put me in that situation.

2. The misuse or "your" and "you're". Oh lawd, it makes me twitchy. I'm not one of those snobs who makes out with a dictionary on the reg (that would be my other half) but I can't handle that one. I've met some really smart, funny, blahblah people who do it all of the time and I just can't figure it out. It's such an easy little thing to remember! Ugh.

3. Cottage cheese. My kid eats it and it makes me wonder if they somehow managed to pull my real kid out of my uterus, switch it with Eli and then put a wristband on him that had my last name on it. The same thing can be said for whole tomatoes. That kid will grab one off of the vine and shove it all up in his mouth and I will gag. Promptly.

4. The lyrics of Nickleback songs. Have you ever read them? Go and do it and then picture the singer, it will make your skin crawl.

5. American Idol. Chances are, if you like that show, I probably don't speak to you on a regular basis. Not because of the show, but because I feel like people who are into that show aren't the kind of people I can hang with. But, if you want to talk about The Voice, let's do it. Cee-lo's tiny arms and pink bird, amirite? Just know that I'm a day behind because of the having no-tv thing.

6. Not having television. We don't have it anymore because of the cost and because we realized we never really watched it. If it was on, it was on Sprout, and who wants to pay $60+ a month for a kid channel? Now that we don't have it, I get the shakes and cold sweats. I love the option of it, just not the reality I guess. But we still have Netflix streaming, which allows me to make spur of the moment decisions to watch movies like Piranha. I saw Jerry O'Connell's fake penis get eaten by a fish and then spit out. Oh, spoiler alert.

Back to work for me.


  1. If "you are" doesn't make sense in a sentence, neither would "you're". Same for "their" vs. "there".
    Can I tell you a secret though? I never know when it's appropriate to use affect compared to effect. Like... something affects you in a certain way, and a volcano has a hot effect. Right? But I don't really know. I just pretend.

    But FYI cottage cheese rules. As does fresh tomatoes. Maybe your the alien here. (See what I did there?! Har har)

    1. I have NEVER been able to use affect and effect correctly. When it comes up in an email at work, I use "impact" as in, "This will not impact the dollar amount of your check." It works.

      And Buffs, youR taste in food sucks balls.

  2. Oh yes, same with "it's" and "it's".

    So glad I'm on mat leave so I don't have to hear the morning-after chatter from my coworkers about American Idol (or any other given shitty reality show). During which I will inevitably be asked if I watch said show. I DON'T CARE.

    1. Don't you guys get to be on maternity leave for like, 16 years or something?

    2. Pretty much. One whole year!

  3. Holy shit...we are the same. Is this news new? No.

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  5. #4 and Jerry O'connell's fake penis/spoiler alert. bahaha! and cottage cheese is just wrong.

    1. gross.

      Also, the penis thing really creeped me out.