Monday, February 4, 2013

It's for real this time.

Have you ever lost something that is a pretty essential part of your every day life? Your id, a credit card, maybe your entire wallet. Or maybe it was a key, or all of the keys, your glasses or the garage door opener. What about your phone?

Personally, I've lost (misplaced, whatever) each of those things dozens of times, sometimes all of them in one day. I've had the moments of total panic where my husband and I are running around the house, tearing it apart because I need to be at work very soon and I won't be able to get my car out of the garage because OHFUCKWHEREARETHEOPENERS. And then I begin frantically tearing apart my brain because shit, how do you get into the garage without the opener? OH WAIT, I have a key! But fuckerfuckshitdicks, it's on my key ring and WHERE IS THAT. Do I even have my glasses on? Crap, they were all in my purse the entire time and how in the fuckerfuckshitdicks did I miss that? And then life goes on, I clock in to work on time and the end of the world never comes.

Until today. I cannot find my phone. I went to Target last night, it died, I navigated my way home on crappy roads with windshield wipers that decided to go on strike, made it home in time to see my lady Beyonce, washed some kids, put some kids to sleep, watched some Girls and then went to bed. I woke up this morning, lined everything up on the counter and then, as it always starts, I realize I can't find my phone five seconds before I needneedNEED to leave.

It's so gone that I actually called Target and said, "I know this is totally pointless, but did anyone happen to turn in a white iPhone last night? Oh no? Imagine that. Awesome. Thanks."

I picture it sleeping silently in the snow mushy parking lot, freezing and scared, completely dead and totally useless. Or maybe it's under the bed, stolen by a certain thief of a toddler, placed there for safekeeping. Or one of the cats took it and buried it in the litter pan. Maybe I left it in one of the Target bags and then threw it out, thinking it was empty? Who fucking knows.

I feel like I'm missing my leg. I'm on this crazy verge of having a nervous breakdown, not because I'm one of those psychos who feels as though they have given birth to their phone, their Precious, their one and only. No, I just hate not being able to find my things.



  1. Been there, done that, it totally sucks. Sorry to hear it's happening to you. Miss you, btw.

    Kelly Lightbeam

  2. use Find my iPhone?
    Sorry, that sucks. I have a bad habit of leaving my wallet in the shopping cart in the parking lot of big box stores. So far someone has turned it in everytime. I would be a wreck if I actually lost my wallet or phone.